The Problem Isn’t Carbon, It’s Demons

I was reading Jenny Lawson’s (aka The Bloggess) latest blog post today and was inspired to write this piece. If you don’t see the connection, I will give you a little insight to my brain: scary sprinklers led to the scene where Bobby turns the sprinkler water into holy water to repel the demons on Supernatural (I watch this show too much). This led me to the thought, “why doesn’t the church bless all the water on earth to repel all demons?”

Obviously, at this point I needed to turn to Google. And Google delivered! Apparently, technically, the Pope could turn all the water into holy water, but we pollute the ocean, and holy water should be treated with reverence, so, thanks to pollution, we can’t get rid of all the demons in the world.

Most people’s minds would find closure there, but I’m definitely not most people, and my mind decided to take this further, regarding pollution and climate change. So what if Climate Change was not actually a product of carbon emissions, but because of excess demons? I realize some people might have troubles following my brain here, so I will explain: Demons come from Hell, Hell is extremely hot, excess demons, hot from Hell, on earth, therefore, would raise the temperature of the earth and bring about climate change.

The reason it seems to scientist that it is due to carbon emissions is because, when demons are in their non-possessing form, they are made up of Carbon monosulfide (CS) which is stable in its gaseous or spirit form, but when they possess a human, they become a solid form, in which the compound is much less stable. This is why demons are associated with Sulfur,* but they should be associated with carbon as well. Does this mean we don’t have to worry about our carbon emissions anymore? Hell no! (Pun intended)

See, pollution is what is keeping the Pope from being able to eradicate all demons from the planet by turning all water into holy water. In order for him to do this, we must immediately treat all water with reverence and this means putting a stop to the DAPL, fracking, dumping our waste into the rivers, lakes and oceans, and all those other things the GOP thinks are ok to do to our water supplies for some reason. My guess is there are demons on the inside of the GOP, but I can’t really confirm that, I don’t have holy water to spray on all of them and I think the Secret Service might gun me down if I started spraying holy water on demon-possessed government officials and they began to sizzle. They would probably assume I threw acid on them.

Whether I’m right about demons causing climate change or the scientists are right about carbon emissions causing climate change, the answer to ending climate change is the same (minus the end step of the Pope turning all water into holy water if the scientists are right). We need to end our addiction to fossil fuels in favor of wind and solar which don’t damage the water. We need to reduce our waste by recycling and reusing and relying more on renewable and biodegradable materials in our manufacturing. We need to conserve water resources as much as possible. All of these items are under attack by the current administration (again, I cannot confirm my suspicions that demons have infiltrated), and we need to work hard both on a personal level (recycle/reuse/drive less/conserve water/etc), and on a national and global level to reduce the damage the GOP is allowing.

While this post is mostly satire, I do hope the point is not missed: Climate change is real and is made worse by human actions, so we do need to take actions to revere our earth (currently, the only livable planet we can reach with our current technology). Here are some things you can do to make a difference (you don’t have to do all, but every little bit helps, and focusing on your own contributions to Climate Change is most important because, as Ghandi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”):

Do all the items from this list in your personal life

Donate to Natural Resources Defense Council

Take Action/Volunteer with (or Donate to) Surfrider

Donate to the Environmental Defense Fund

Donate to Sierra Club

Donate to Earth Justice

Donate to Conservation International

And/Or Look Here for volunteer opportunities

You can also see about local state parks as they often need volunteers as well and are full of great educational resources for bettering your local environment. When going on vacation, I recommend checking out state parks in the area. Fees are usually low (and used for upkeep more than staff salary) and you will have a lot of local natural beauty to enjoy. Last time I went to Florida, I spent less than $20 on 2 state parks and got to see things you can’t see elsewhere, like an underwater observatory to watch manatees in the river at Homosassa Springs and a beautiful drive through the wetlands in Titusville which also included free beach parking for the day!

But seriously, let’s reduce Demon Emissions and save the Earth!

*Side note: in Googling demons and sulfur to inform those not familiar with Supernatural lore, I came across this wonderful gem that you should read if you are in need of a good laugh!